In a new section at Bat Flips and Nerds, Dross From Amateurs, we feature posts that don’t quite fit anywhere on the internet. At all.
Baseball is boring.
That’s what we keep hearing, it’s too long, it’s stagnated, it’s full of analytics, it’s past its best.
I took to the only media outlet I trust, to get a real “Folk on the street” perspective, a hard hitting company who only work on the truth and provide zero spin.
I searched for tweets where people called baseball boring and viewed by “latest”. I don’t want the top tweets, I want the pulse of the people, I want the here and now.
After I hit enter, the second result down was a user informing us that work will be taking them to the baseball in the coming days. They go on to question if baseball is more boring than normal work (while also mentioning that it is cool).
The user in question (we’ll call them “Me No Like Baseball” – or MNLB for short) has a profile that contains acronyms or words that I don’t and probably never will understand. They haven’t done the standard baseball thing of declaring themselves a baseball fan in their profile or via emoji in their display name. I am putting my neck out there and saying they aren’t a baseball fan.
So what about the tweet?
Me No Like Baseball is being paid to watch baseball, something I imagine 99% of people reading this post would love to do. MNLB isn’t sure if it’s “more boring than normal work” but still believe it’s “kinda cool”.
I want to break this down.
What does MNLB do for a living?
For all we know, Me No Like Baseball could be a baseball player, so maybe watching baseball is more boring than playing it? Or maybe they have to stroke dogs for a living? Unless you’re allergic to dogs or simply petrified of them, there aren’t many jobs out there that beat this.
Well apart from food tester.
I’m sure there are some people reading this, that know a food tester or are currently employed as one. They will quickly tell me it’s not that great. Which is fine, I can imagine testing the same brand of cheese over and over again is dull. However I have always dreamed about there being a proper food tester. Maybe a Food Enforcer. Where as a Food Enforcer, you carry a “food warrant card” and flash it at concession stands, restaurants, pub and announce “Tom Pringle (or maybe try your own name) – food tester, give me your lemon pork ragu with linguine”. The owner then has to bow their head and retreat to the kitchen, only returning to provide you with the requested dish.
I’m not sure who would pay for this, or how the business would be funded, maybe send it into Dragons Den (Shark Tank for you Americans?) and see if anyone bites.
Could you imagine the possibilities? Demanding all the food on an airliner, taking one of everything at an overpriced cinema concession stand, or just hitting the greatest burger joint in the world (certainly better than In-n-out), Five Guys, and spending the entire day there creating new burger concoctions every few hours.
Wait – what was my original point? Baseball being boring? Depending on your perspective, it probably is. Probably shouldn’t have based my post on one tweet.
I get distracted easily.
UPDATE: Me No Like Baseball tweeted they were very hot at the baseball, no idea if they enjoyed it.