Dross From Amateurs, we feature posts that don’t quite fit anywhere on the internet. At all.
I’ve already proven I can’t write poetry, but when has evidence and criticism stopped me before?
Here’s a poetic review of the 2019 season.
Tigers
The Detroit Tigers,
What was that?
114 losses?
Get out.
Orioles
You weren’t last,
You should be proud.
Forget the past,
Shout it loud.
Progress is progressing,
Progress is good.
The Orioles no longer depressing?
The Orioles no longer stuck in the mud.
Marlins
“Jeter, Jeter, Jeter!” hear them shout,
The wins didn’t come,
But Jeter isn’t done
Jeter, Jeter, Jeter, may soon no longer pout.
Royals
You promised us speed,
“It’s what the league needs.”
With 117 stolen bases,
You were second in the races.
As the Texas Rangers,
Matched and beat your speedy dangers.
Blue Jays
Vlad.
He came, fizzled, then banged.
Vlad.
Mariners
“They are playing so well!”,
“They might make a playoff push!”.
Reality struck.
Fall down Mariners, down.
Pirates
Still reeling from the Archer trade,
A teardown has begun.
It was about time
They have no dime.
Padres
San Diego, a place of sun and delight.
They signed Machado, good, right?
Rotation woes with no solid base
In Paddack, they have found an ace.
Rockies
Nolan the wunderkind,
Sparkles and dazzles at third.
The contract extension could rescind,
Why Rockies, that would be turd.
Angels
Trout, Simmons, Ohtani,
A tragedy filled with regret..
The fans had little to send them barmy,
Maybe 2019 is a year to forget?
White Sox
So much pre-season excitement,
Rumours, bids, negotiations, more excitement.
The season begins, not much excitement,
The season ends, little excitement.
When will the southside have results?
Reds
Votto, where art thou?
Giants
Tank, tank for your life!
But what about Buck?
Higher draft picks ease the strife.
The team gave zero ****s.
2019 for Buck.
Rangers
Last year in Globe Life,
25 years is too long for a ballpark.
11 years has been too long for my wife.
(Sorry Liz).
Phillies
The hero arrives,
Harper, HOME-RUN!
Postseason hopes fade,
Bryce is not done.
Cubs
Maddon, zany!
Maddon, wacky!
Maddon, revolutionary!
Maddon, genius!
Maddon, gone.
Red Sox
The Champs are back,
Spluttered,
Coughed,
Struggled,
Champs no more.
Diamondbacks
Rip it down!
Trade for veterans!
Rip it down!
Forget the rebuild!
Rip it down!
What are the D’Backs?
Mets
MetsLOL,
MetsLOO,
MetsLOOK,
MetsLOOKO,
MetsLOOKOK.
Brewers
+3 run differential,
Postseason glory?
+3 run differential,
Grisham’s glove has a hole.
Cardinals
Cardinals rock the Braves for 13,
Grab your brooms!
Nats sweeping and staying clean.
Indians
Favourites,
Walk it,
Cruise it,
Easy.
Empty October schedule.
Nationals
Bryce is gone,
Sinking ship.
Zimmerman’s done.
Book a parade, QUICK.
Rays
No money,
No chance,
No fans,
No future.
Beat Greinke and Verlander,
The new Highlander?
Braves
Young, exciting, fun.
Bat flips, crossed words, NLDS,
Done.
Athletics
We all love them,
They are the frugal fans gem.
Will they achieve their dream?
Not in 2019.
Twins
DINGERZ, DINGERZ, DINGERZZZZ.
Yankees
The spending continues,
Ownership aren’t cabbages.
The youth is frightening,
Just call them, savages.
Dodgers
Money makes the world go round,
Kershaw throwing off a mound.
Cody mashes monster blasts,
How long will these GMs last?
Astros
Bang bang goes the drum,
How many violations before they are done?
I promise not to do this again for at least 12-months.