Oh Crumbs! Biscuits and Baseball (Part 1)

Last month the UK based New York Yankees podcast – The Empire Strikes Back – recorded a very British podcast. We had special guest ‘Baseball Brit’ Joey Mellows on for an entertaining interview to discuss all things from baseball to tea, while we all had our obligatory cuppa of Her Majesty’s finest in hand!

Knowing that we were going to be doing this podcast, our group chat on Twitter turned to the most pressing matter at hand…what tea goes best with MLB? This created plenty of discussion and proved to be very divisive between our Yorkshire and Lancashire representatives. Our attention then turned to which biscuits are the best dunkers. This sparked something inside my brain. While we were discussing the merits of various biscuits, I had a thought…which biscuit best represents each MLB team and why? (I remembered there had been a graphic designer who had re-designed all 30 MLB team logos based on the Star Wars character they were most like). While this might be an indicator that I have spent far too much time in self-isolation, here are my thoughts anyway!

Part 1

Baltimore Orioles – Oreos: America’s best-selling biscuit. Apt for the team with America’s favourite ballpark.

Boston Red Sox – Fig Rolls: Everybody hates them, apart from a very select few people with an acquired taste. OK, so this isn’t technically true, however, it is true that every Yankees fan has a hatred for their most bitter of rivals.

Chicago White Sox – Oat Cookies: A gritty, crunchy biscuit with plenty of bite. Perfect for a team which resides in Chicago’s South Side. A team who are projected to be on the up this season with a roster that boasts Tim Anderson, Yoan Moncada, Jose Abreu, Yasmani Grandal and Dallas Keuchel.

Colorado Rockies – Shortbread: A buttery calorific biscuit produced in the Scottish Highlands. From one high land to another. Colorado, the US State ranked 5th in the country for the highest elevation. Rockies fans who make the trip up to the Purple Row seats – exactly one mile above sea level, will deserve an extra sweet treat for their efforts.

Houston Astros – Jammy Dodgers: Very jammy, very sticky and held together by a hard-impenetrable outer layer. Since the sign-stealing scandal broke, there has been a unanimous view across the league, from fans and players alike, that the Astros got away with one. They got themselves into a sticky situation of their own making, and even when it was time to face the media fallout the players recited a rehearsed, united and impersonal response. Fun fact, jammy dodgers have an imprint like a star shape on their outer layer, similar to a *.

Los Angeles Dodgers – Hobnobs: A strong and tough biscuit that’s in the mix as a fan favourite. There is no denying the star-studded quality the Dodgers consistently put out on to the field year after year. This helps them to draw in hordes of fans from all over the world, as does their ability to consistently win the NL West Division – a feat they have accomplished 7 seasons in a row. Despite the success, they have been unable to reach the pinnacle of the game, as a World Series has eluded them since 1988.

New York Yankees – Milk Chocolate Caramel Digestives: The King of all Biscuits, incredibly moreish with lots of flavour. While the Yankees haven’t won a World Series since 2009, it can still be said that they are the kings of baseball with 27 championship rings to their name. Just like New York itself, they are big, brash and bold, making blockbuster trades for household names. No wonder fans are unable to resist the bright lights and big stars of this team!

New York Mets – Digestive Biscuit: Dull, plain and tends to live in the shadow when compared to other biscuits in the digestive family. The Mets have always been the little brother when compared to their crosstown rivals. They are the current underdog in the Subway Series and for good reason too, with a 60-44 Win/Loss record in favour of the Yankees. The Mets have made many moves to bring the team forward under agent-turned-GM Brodie Van Wagenen, but they still lack the swagger and the edge that the Yankees carry.

Oakland Athletics – Custard Creams/Bourbon Biscuits: Everybody likes them, but they are often overlooked for bigger and better biscuits. Whether it’s their uniform, that beautiful Kelly Green and Gold combination; their mascot, Stomper; their fans, who are some of the friendliest in baseball; or their energetic crowds with their cow bells and drums; there is no denying that there is something likable about this plucky lot who are often labelled as the underdogs of baseball.

Toronto Blue Jays – Lotus biscuits: the most on-trend biscuit there has been over the last few years! (So much so, they have even turned it into a spread, it’s so addictive!). The Blue Jays have so much young talent it’s easy for any fan to buy into their team this year. With Vladimir Guerrero Jr, Lourdes Gurriel, Cavan Biggio and Bo Bichette, fans have a lot to look forward to. The Blue Jays have a strong track record of developing prospects, bringing the likes of Marcus Stroman and Kevin Pillar through their system.

As I said, these are just my thoughts, there is certainly no offence intended in any of this, I just tried to have a bit of fun. I’d love to hear what other people’s views on this topic are. You can contact me on twitter: @Team52UKFan.


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