The Regal 9

As we rapidly approach the London Series, it’s time for me to dust off the keyboard and produce the sort of content that can only sound great in my mind.

Today’s post is all about setting a baseball line-up with a royal twist, who wouldn’t want to see this in London?

The rules are as follows:

  • They must have been the King or Queen of England or the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland.

Starting Pitcher

Needs someone who has some stamina, staying power, endurance, grit, determination and overall a calm head. There was clearly only one option for this:

Queen Victoria

Reigned for 63-years and 216-days

Nasty splitter

Had a massive Empire

Has a baseball card


Needs someone with a steady head, intelligent, crafty, able to hatch a plan and think on the fly.

Alfred The Great

Repeatedly defeated the Vikings

Laid the groundwork for the birth of England

Excellent framing skills

Has “The Great” in his name

Alfred conducting his walk-up routine that drives the crowd wild

First Base

Power hitting, good with the glove, able to show flashes of athleticism to ensure they are quick to the bag.

Charles II (Charles Mountbatten-Windsor Jr.)

Vast upgrade on his dad

Solid hair and stache game

Excellent scoop skills

Good at running the bases (And from Cromwell)

First player to utilise a crown instead of a batting helmet

Second Base

Key to a good triple play, must be strong to face the oncoming baserunner, expected to contribute heavily with the bat.

George VI

Known primarily for his short acting career, staring in “The Kings Speech” 

Had maintained a 150wRC+ over the last 3-seasons

Excellent at motivational speaking

Thrust into the bigs due to his older brother electing to play in the US

George VI staring out of the dugout prior to an AB at Yankee Stadium

Third Base

Traditionally a larger member of the team, has now turned more athletic. Power hitting, quick reactions, good arm.

Richard The Lionheart

Nearly crippled the English treasury due to his lengthy contract

Has a strong throwing arm

Many previously victories

Has an animal organ in his chest

Ol’ Cat Organ chilling and eating sunflower seeds (Seeds out of shot)


The superstar, the athletic monster, previously not expected to hit well, but times have changed.

Henry V

Conquered Northern France


Actually fought as a King

Above average defensive skills

Henry preferred to remove the peak from his caps

Left Field

Usually the worst defensive player on the team, big power, not many years left in the bigs

Charles III

Recently promoted to the bigs after a lengthy period in the Minor Leagues

Big smile

Hits both sides of the field

Father to a promising prospect

Chaz has experience wielding a bat

Centre Field

Fast, athletic, can hit really well, usually for power.

Elizabeth I

Smart, powerful, very athletic.

Fabulous dress sense

Has hit 30+ HR for the last seasons

Has the nickname “Lizzy Betty”

Lizzy pitched for Oxford in her early days, before switching to the outfield

Right Field

Not as rubbish as LF, has to be more athletic. Poor mans CF.

Richard III

Many allies got him into the bigs

Struggled with the bat

Was eventually ousted by his fellow rival

Quoted as saying “A hit, a hit, my Kingdom for a hit” in a recent AB

Dickie was an “eye test” guy, never believed in analytics

Designated Hitter

Mountain body type, hits hard, eats a lot, doesn’t own a glove

Henry VIII

Power numbers through the rough, strikes out too much

Had less relationships than Jeter

Once ate three boomsticks in one sitting

Murders people

Henners looking disappointed after another strikeout


Needs experience, able to contain a difficult bunch of people, solid communication skills.

Elizabeth II

Most experience in “The Show”

Legacy builder

Could hit from both sides of the plate

Loves to dish out awards

Rumours Betty 2 was involved in the Canseco scandal were never substantiated

Sorry for wasting your time. Please return to scrolling on Insta.

If you are still reading and want to add some suggestions, please comment below.


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