As we rapidly approach the London Series, it’s time for me to dust off the keyboard and produce the sort of content that can only sound great in my mind.
Today’s post is all about setting a baseball line-up with a royal twist, who wouldn’t want to see this in London?
The rules are as follows:
- They must have been the King or Queen of England or the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland.
Starting Pitcher
Needs someone who has some stamina, staying power, endurance, grit, determination and overall a calm head. There was clearly only one option for this:
Queen Victoria
Reigned for 63-years and 216-days
Nasty splitter
Had a massive Empire
Has a baseball card
Catcher
Needs someone with a steady head, intelligent, crafty, able to hatch a plan and think on the fly.
Alfred The Great
Repeatedly defeated the Vikings
Laid the groundwork for the birth of England
Excellent framing skills
Has “The Great” in his name
Alfred conducting his walk-up routine that drives the crowd wild
First Base
Power hitting, good with the glove, able to show flashes of athleticism to ensure they are quick to the bag.
Charles II (Charles Mountbatten-Windsor Jr.)
Vast upgrade on his dad
Solid hair and stache game
Excellent scoop skills
Good at running the bases (And from Cromwell)
First player to utilise a crown instead of a batting helmet
Second Base
Key to a good triple play, must be strong to face the oncoming baserunner, expected to contribute heavily with the bat.
George VI
Known primarily for his short acting career, staring in “The Kings Speech”
Had maintained a 150wRC+ over the last 3-seasons
Excellent at motivational speaking
Thrust into the bigs due to his older brother electing to play in the US
George VI staring out of the dugout prior to an AB at Yankee Stadium
Third Base
Traditionally a larger member of the team, has now turned more athletic. Power hitting, quick reactions, good arm.
Richard The Lionheart
Nearly crippled the English treasury due to his lengthy contract
Has a strong throwing arm
Many previously victories
Has an animal organ in his chest
Ol’ Cat Organ chilling and eating sunflower seeds (Seeds out of shot)
Shortstop
The superstar, the athletic monster, previously not expected to hit well, but times have changed.
Henry V
Conquered Northern France
Agincourt
Actually fought as a King
Above average defensive skills
Henry preferred to remove the peak from his caps
Left Field
Usually the worst defensive player on the team, big power, not many years left in the bigs
Charles III
Recently promoted to the bigs after a lengthy period in the Minor Leagues
Big smile
Hits both sides of the field
Father to a promising prospect
Chaz has experience wielding a bat
Centre Field
Fast, athletic, can hit really well, usually for power.
Elizabeth I
Smart, powerful, very athletic.
Fabulous dress sense
Has hit 30+ HR for the last seasons
Has the nickname “Lizzy Betty”
Lizzy pitched for Oxford in her early days, before switching to the outfield
Right Field
Not as rubbish as LF, has to be more athletic. Poor mans CF.
Richard III
Many allies got him into the bigs
Struggled with the bat
Was eventually ousted by his fellow rival
Quoted as saying “A hit, a hit, my Kingdom for a hit” in a recent AB
Dickie was an “eye test” guy, never believed in analytics
Designated Hitter
Mountain body type, hits hard, eats a lot, doesn’t own a glove
Henry VIII
Power numbers through the rough, strikes out too much
Had less relationships than Jeter
Once ate three boomsticks in one sitting
Murders people
Henners looking disappointed after another strikeout
Manager
Needs experience, able to contain a difficult bunch of people, solid communication skills.
Elizabeth II
Most experience in “The Show”
Legacy builder
Could hit from both sides of the plate
Loves to dish out awards
Rumours Betty 2 was involved in the Canseco scandal were never substantiated
Sorry for wasting your time. Please return to scrolling on Insta.
If you are still reading and want to add some suggestions, please comment below.
Bye.